Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
