I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize