honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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