I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
