Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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