I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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