we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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