Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
