I'll bet she douches with gravy.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
