Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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