Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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