My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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