I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
