This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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