1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
