I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
