Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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