I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
