Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
