just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
