and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
