My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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