Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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