he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
