I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize