My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
