Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize