i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
