his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
