I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
