mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
