If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
