Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
