Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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