My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
