So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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