My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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