if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Oh god it's open bar.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
