dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
