you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
