you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
