Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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