His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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