Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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