I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
