Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
