Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
