Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
