too bad you live with your parents still
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
