I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
