we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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