I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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