Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize