dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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