is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
