I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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