Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Porn is love you can see.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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