My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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