Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
