Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
