I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
