I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
