I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
