ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Couch. On fire.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
