Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
