Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
