Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
