Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
