Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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