apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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