Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
