So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's rum buckets o'clock
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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