I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
