When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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