I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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