two words: eviction party
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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