I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
