Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
