Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
