I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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